Manchester People - November 2011

This week is National Adoption Week and an adoptive dad of three from north Manchester is keen to encourage others to think about adopting.

After years of wanting a baby, one phone call to Manchester City Council changed the lives of Martin aged 43 and his wife Evelyn aged 50 from north Manchester forever.

From big families themselves, they both really wanted children and had been trying for a family without success.

Now a husband and father of three children under the age of seven, here's Martin's story of how he became a dad:

"We'd been trying for a family for a while and it wasn't happening.

Then Evelyn brought up the idea of adoption.

We didn't know anything about it so we quite literally just picked up the phone book, looked in it and found a telephone number for Manchester City Council and rang them up.

To be honest, I went along with it because Evelyn suggested it, but I didn't really think that people like us - ordinary working people - would be allowed to adopt.

They sent us an information pack and then we sent a form back to them expressing our interest. Quite soon after this we got an invitation to a two day information session to find out more, and after this we realised there was nothing to preclude us from going through with it.

Once we had decided to go with it there was lots of form filling to do and lots of home visits from social workers and interviews - both as a couple and separately. They interviewed members of our family as well.

There are lots of decisions for you to make during this time too - you have to say what age of child you would consider adopting, gender, and how many. You are also asked for any racial preference and whether you would be prepared to adopt children with particular disabilities or problems.

We knew there aren't very many babies that come up for adoption and so we said we would consider a child up to the age of six, and that we would also consider adopting two siblings.

Eventually all the interviews and form filling was done and then we just had to wait to be matched to a child.

I was at work when I got a call from our social worker on my mobile who said she had found a match for us. I called Evelyn and she was screaming down the phone at me in excitement. I felt very nervous though, and going to meet our oldest, Alex, for the first time was the most terrifying thing I have done in my life.

Alex was 15 months old and had been with his foster carer for most of his life. I remember I went in to the room, I squatted down to say hello to him and he came running over. He totally bowled me over, he was beautiful, a really outgoing child, he was just great.

It was only seven days after our initial meeting that Alex came to live with us. We'd got a room ready for him with a cot, and got things finished quickly so that we were ready.

It was really strange when we brought him home to stay. I remember bedtime came, I carried him upstairs, rocked him in my arms and put him in his cot. We had a baby monitor on all night and left the door open, and kept looking in on him. We actually went to bed early that night because we were so shattered both emotionally and mentally with the whole experience.

Just over five months later Alex's brother Danny came to live with us. Social workers had told us about Alex's brother from the outset and we had said we would adopt him also as soon as this was possible.

I can remember the first time we took Alex to meet his brother. It was amazing to see - it sounds like a cliche, but even though the boys hadn't been together before, it was like there was an instant bond between them. Alex went across to Danny and that was it - they were just like brothers.

Just over a year after this we got a call to say that the boys' mother was pregnant again and that the baby might be placed for adoption. After thinking long and hard about it we said we would adopt the new baby, Rose. We hadn't planned to have any more than the two boys, but this tugged at our heart strings - we felt that Rose belonged with us and her brothers if she couldn't be with her mother.

And so in the space of 18 months we found ourselves with three children. It wasn't easy. We decided that I would be the one to take time off with the children when they arrived, and although this is what I wanted, I found it really hard being a stay at home dad, it was very different from what I'd been used to.

I'd be the only man at mother and toddler groups, and would find that because of this all the children there were drawn to me so I would have hordes of children round my knees whilst the mums sat and talked with each other and drank coffee!

Once we got into a routine with the children though it was all fine and now I can't remember not having them. Even though we've been married for 14 years, and have only had the children for the last five years, I can't remember what life was like before they came along. Having children was something we always wanted, and life without them would be far too quiet, I just can't imagine it.

I feel really passionate about adoption. I've got childless friends who say they won't adopt because they think it won't feel like your child.

Anyone who loves children and doesn't have any of their own needs to get their misconceptions out of the way.

If they think that adopting will feel like you are just looking after someone else's child they are wrong. It doesn't, it really doesn't. The bond I have with my children is stronger than anything else I have known, I am in bits if there is the slightest thing wrong with any of them.

Our lives now are our children. Everything has a purpose. Everything my wife and I do, and everything we think about, is for our children."

Most of the children in Manchester who are looking for adoptive parents are aged under nine, are from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, and some of them are in sibling groups of two or three.

The Council's priority is to find adoptive parents for those children who have been waiting longest.

Potential adoptive parents can be single or married, straight or gay, homeowners or renters, and may already have their own children.

Councillor Afzal Khan, Executive Member Children's Services, Manchester City Council, said: "People who adopt come from all walks of life and have very different personal circumstances. What is important is being able to offer a stable, permanent, loving home to a child or young person."

To make a difference to a child's life and turn your own dreams into reality visit www.manchester.gov.uk/adopt to find out more.

Information is also available from the Council's adoption and fostering line on tel: 0800 9888 931, or by emailing familyduty@manchester.gov.uk.