Friends and family
Cover your tracks. Delete your online search history.
You might be worried that a friend, neighbour or loved one is a victim of domestic violence and abuse. Taking some time to learn about the abuse will help to support them to stay safe and break free from their abuser.
Women’s Aid and ManKind has helpful information on how to support someone who is experiencing domestic abuse.
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline offers free and confidential advice, 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
Some background
There isn’t a typical victim. Anyone can be a victim of abuse. And abusive behaviour extends far beyond violence.
Coercive control
The aim of the abuser is to exert power and control over the victim. We call this behaviour, Coercive Control and it's a criminal offence.
Coercive and controlling behaviour can incorporate physical, financial, emotional and sexual abuse as well as stalking and harassment. The behaviour may include control over:
- who a victim can see
- how they behave
- what clothes they wear
- access to money
- when (and if) they can leave the home.
Abusers use Coercive Control to dominate, manipulate and intimidate.
This pattern of behaviour aims to exert control over a partner or loved one. It can begin at any point in a relationship in, even when the relationship is over. Ending a relationship can be a risky time: post relationship abuse can include stalking and harassment. This can be physical or online.
Isolating victims
Abusers will often try to create distance between the victim and their family or friends. This kind of isolation makes the abuser the main ‘voice’ within the victim’s life. This can lead to complete reliance on the abuser. That makes it increasingly difficult to leave this kind of relationship.
Recognising signs that someone you love or care for is in an abusive relationship could help you support them.
Remember: if someone is at immediate risk of harm, or it is an emergency, always call 999.
Never put yourself in danger.
If someone tells you that they’re suffering domestic violence and abuse
Encourage them to get specialist help. There are lots of organisations that can support them.
- don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they’re not ready. Leaving must be their decision.
- ask if they have suffered physical harm. If they have, offer to go with them to a hospital or GP. This is particularly important if their abuser has put hands around their neck or throat. You can find out more about Addressing Strangulation IFAS.
- help them report the abuse to the police if they choose to.
Risk from a new partner
You may be worried that a friend or family member is at risk from someone they're in a relationship with. Find out if they have abused in the past under Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (Clare’s Law).
You can request a Disclosure of Information about their partner's past, this is called ‘the right to ask’.
If there’s information to share, they will offer this information to the family member or friend, who is at risk from the new partner, this is called ‘the right to know’.
It would be their choice to receive the information, and they would not be allowed to share this information with anyone else.